I have just run without stopping for an hour. SIXTY FUCKING MINUTES. That is all.
Well, no, obviously that's not all. That's not all at all. Because now I'm tingling and buzzing all over and, having milked as much congratulations from my family a) sport on the telly and b) texts from mates will allow, I need to tell someone else. So before I've even showered, I'm struggling to type with my swollen lumpy fingers and tell you all about it.
And before you mad runners who talk about runs which are 'blissful' or 'awesome' get all excited at how buzzy I am, I should point out that the buzz was not present until the gruelling running stopped.
I am still slow. I have worked out that if I run 10k at this pace, it would take me 1 hour 23 minutes. Slower than a snail. However, in the week, I have been able to sustain a faster pace for longer - 30 minutes at a pace that would see a 1 hour 18 minute 10k which is only three minutes away from my goal.
So, for the next three weeks, I need to spend my week getting faster and my weekends running for longer and there is a very very slim chance that I get my sorry arse round the 10k in 3 weeks time without stopping in 1 hour 15 minutes.
I think my motivation was helped by this week's ludicrous running purchase. iTunes will find itself richer to the tune of £9.99 because I bought "Now That's What I Call Running". Usually, I run to speech because I find that following a story helps take my mind off the horrible running, but sometimes I think perhaps I need to force myself to think about the running in order to try and do it better. So I've downloaded some dreadful music which will make me feel very old (plus Eye of the Tiger, obviously) in the hope it will have a positive effect on my speed.
Course now I see that written down, I realise they're songs, not miracles. Still, I ran for an hour today. Who cares.
Don't forget, I'm doing this - and the half marathon in October - because Brook needs the support. Anything you can donate will be very gratefully recieved. www.justgiving.com/hilliershitthetarmac
Sunday 17 June 2012
Sunday 10 June 2012
Remind me why I'm doing this, again?
I am beginning to believe that I'm not like anyone else when it comes to running. I keep slogging on, assuming at some point things will improve. But they really don't. Despite the odd flash of something positive - a speedy 20 minute run the other day that was very close to my goal pace, a full 45 minute run in Yorkshire while on holiday (smug score: off the scale) - I am finding the training boring, difficult and dispiriting. So, in order to keep myself going rather than throw my hands up and decide I'm just not cut out for this shit, this post is a reminder of some of the things that keep me going.
1. The early morning lady
I commute into London from Ely several times a week and on those days I leave the house at 6.20 to walk to the station. A couple of years ago, I started to see a woman who was clearly learning to run. She looks about 20 years older than me and in the early days she would shuffle slowly, but determinedly, along, watching the ground and looking like each one of her early morning steps was a bit of a killer. These days, though, she's a different woman - fast, upright, confident and looking like a real runner. She inspires me to keep going because I can see so clearly how much she's improved.
2. The cash
I'm chuffed to bits that we've already raised £420 of our £1,000 target and I'm really touched by the range of different people that have donated to my Just Giving page. When I set the target at £1000, I worried that I wouldn't make it, but now I feel like it might be achievable. A wonderful mixture of generous friends, family, colleagues and even friends-of-friends and people I don't know well at all have chipped in and I owe each and every one of those people a huge thank you for keeping me going in the hope I'll make you all proud. And won't have to give all the money back. Should you want to join the lovely people who are financially motivating me to push on, you can go to www.justgiving.com/hilliershitthetarmac where joining the club is very easy.
3. The stuff
There is one way that running suits me down to the ground - opportunities to buy stuff. I find nothing makes me feel more like I might one day achieve some of my goals than leaving Waitrose with a shiny new copy of Runner's World, fondling running clothing, or buying trainers. My favourite things are my running gloves (but they're not really useful just at the moment, so I just gaze at them and wish for frost).
4. The statistics
I also like the numbers. I like checking off the runs I do and I like plugging my running watch into my computer and looking obsessively at the run I've just done to see what my top speed is, where I seem to tire, the impact of the hills and so on. It helps with setting goals as well as being interesting in itself. I also like reading up on stuff and finding out things about running generally. The most useless piece of information I have read about running recently was in an article reviewing sports bras which told me that the top bra was 78% more effective at reducing bounce than not wearing a bra at all, which seemed to me to be a slightly less useful figure than telling me how it compares to other bras, but what do I know?
5. The charity
Brook is great. It's a really important charity that does a really difficult job. The young people that use Brook's services are often the most vulnerable and most at risk to dangerous relationships and unhealthy sex. They're also the young people most often judged or misunderstood by the people in the best position to help them - politicians, policy makers, education and health services, the media...the list is long. And Brook provides young people with a confidential, non-judgemental place to ask questions, find help, face difficult decisions and deal with painful problems. I've always felt proud to work for Brook and now I feel proud to run for Brook too.
6. The lungs, the heart and the lymphoma
I do have to keep in mind that even though I'm slow and rather gallumphy when it comes to running, I am a much much healthier person than I was 5 - 10 years ago. I take a great deal of pride in having done enough, despite everything to reverse some of the damage that I have control over; my lungs are healthy, my bone density has improved, my heart works well and my new immune system is coping pretty well with life. To the best of my knowledge, I'm relatively fit and healthy woman who can run for 6.77km
7. The people
I already know people are good - that was the first lesson that my cancer taught me (actually, no, the first lesson was always demand intravenous antiemetics, people was the second) - so it has come as no surprise that people are also great when it comes to trying to achieve something difficult like running. I love the support that you all give me and the ideas you have for keeping me going, from tweeting me out of bed to run on a Sunday morning, to cheering me on in person. People are great. The people I know are particularly great and the particularly great people I know are being spectacularly brilliant just at the moment.
So, not a bad blessings haul all in all. Enough to make this morning's miserable 50 minutes fade a little and to give me the strength to approach Tuesday's 30 minutes with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.
1. The early morning lady
I commute into London from Ely several times a week and on those days I leave the house at 6.20 to walk to the station. A couple of years ago, I started to see a woman who was clearly learning to run. She looks about 20 years older than me and in the early days she would shuffle slowly, but determinedly, along, watching the ground and looking like each one of her early morning steps was a bit of a killer. These days, though, she's a different woman - fast, upright, confident and looking like a real runner. She inspires me to keep going because I can see so clearly how much she's improved.
2. The cash
I'm chuffed to bits that we've already raised £420 of our £1,000 target and I'm really touched by the range of different people that have donated to my Just Giving page. When I set the target at £1000, I worried that I wouldn't make it, but now I feel like it might be achievable. A wonderful mixture of generous friends, family, colleagues and even friends-of-friends and people I don't know well at all have chipped in and I owe each and every one of those people a huge thank you for keeping me going in the hope I'll make you all proud. And won't have to give all the money back. Should you want to join the lovely people who are financially motivating me to push on, you can go to www.justgiving.com/hilliershitthetarmac where joining the club is very easy.
3. The stuff
There is one way that running suits me down to the ground - opportunities to buy stuff. I find nothing makes me feel more like I might one day achieve some of my goals than leaving Waitrose with a shiny new copy of Runner's World, fondling running clothing, or buying trainers. My favourite things are my running gloves (but they're not really useful just at the moment, so I just gaze at them and wish for frost).
4. The statistics
I also like the numbers. I like checking off the runs I do and I like plugging my running watch into my computer and looking obsessively at the run I've just done to see what my top speed is, where I seem to tire, the impact of the hills and so on. It helps with setting goals as well as being interesting in itself. I also like reading up on stuff and finding out things about running generally. The most useless piece of information I have read about running recently was in an article reviewing sports bras which told me that the top bra was 78% more effective at reducing bounce than not wearing a bra at all, which seemed to me to be a slightly less useful figure than telling me how it compares to other bras, but what do I know?
5. The charity
Brook is great. It's a really important charity that does a really difficult job. The young people that use Brook's services are often the most vulnerable and most at risk to dangerous relationships and unhealthy sex. They're also the young people most often judged or misunderstood by the people in the best position to help them - politicians, policy makers, education and health services, the media...the list is long. And Brook provides young people with a confidential, non-judgemental place to ask questions, find help, face difficult decisions and deal with painful problems. I've always felt proud to work for Brook and now I feel proud to run for Brook too.
6. The lungs, the heart and the lymphoma
I do have to keep in mind that even though I'm slow and rather gallumphy when it comes to running, I am a much much healthier person than I was 5 - 10 years ago. I take a great deal of pride in having done enough, despite everything to reverse some of the damage that I have control over; my lungs are healthy, my bone density has improved, my heart works well and my new immune system is coping pretty well with life. To the best of my knowledge, I'm relatively fit and healthy woman who can run for 6.77km
7. The people
I already know people are good - that was the first lesson that my cancer taught me (actually, no, the first lesson was always demand intravenous antiemetics, people was the second) - so it has come as no surprise that people are also great when it comes to trying to achieve something difficult like running. I love the support that you all give me and the ideas you have for keeping me going, from tweeting me out of bed to run on a Sunday morning, to cheering me on in person. People are great. The people I know are particularly great and the particularly great people I know are being spectacularly brilliant just at the moment.
So, not a bad blessings haul all in all. Enough to make this morning's miserable 50 minutes fade a little and to give me the strength to approach Tuesday's 30 minutes with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.
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